This has taken some serious balls to post to tell you the truth.. 😣 And I’m only posting with the love and support of my Growth Club Girls! 💗👭🏽🌻 and because my son took these pictures and then showed me that he added these “LOVE YOURSELF” graphics to the photo. 👇🏽👇🏽 It hit me hard. 😭
🌻 I shared in the Growth Club group chat 💬 and although it terrified me to post this, if my son was saying this, I had to.😢 I think I’ve been scared of people writing me off as “disabled”. I don’t want people to think “Oh shes disabled now what a shame.” I don’t want my prospective clients to decide not to hire me.. To decide not to invite me to things because I might not be able to keep up on my feet.. and the rest. I want people to think of me the same way they did before.. Hopefully an intelligent and powerful woman who loves her kids and is passionate about helping people. And can do it!!
🌻 I’ve had such a love hate relationship with this wheelchair!!! 🦽 I’d love to be super positive about it, but I haven’t posted about it because that hasn’t been my reality. And if you know me, you know I can only be ME. When my mobility became severely restricted in December I was desperate for a wheelchair so that I could at least get out of the house and breathe fresh air. Being stuck to the bed or the sofa or the hospital bad really brought me down. My family and especially my best friend were beyond amazing. I got so incredibly desperate for a wheelchair!! And then when we finally got one we could go outside!! 😍😍😍
We had a few giggles 🤭 and it was so nice to be outdoors, seeing different things, feeling fresh air on my face and seeing the kids run around!! 🍃 But it was brutal. I held back the tears as I was restricted to the chair and found my attention was now on the curbs, or the bumps or getting out of the way of people and is the person pushing me getting tired? 🤔
But you know me, focus on the good!! But then the more people I have come across, the more I have been shocked at how I’ve been completely ignored. The more people avoid eye contact. People completely ignore you. And I mean.. You say “excuse me is there a shop down this way?” And more than one just completely blank you as if you are FUCKING INVISIBLE!!! 😢 Not everyone is like this. Some people just avoid eye contact, and some people smile and say hello. 🙂 Which then becomes heart warming but rare.
🌻 Being in a seated position like this also isn’t good for me, I sit on a bouncy ball to work and my sofas all recline thank goodness. I am still on a journey with my health, my mobility. If you catch me on a good day you might not even be able to tell I’m in pain or I’m struggling. But then that one good day can cost me a week of mobility.
🌻 I know there is loads of positive empowering content for wheelchair users, and I’d love to be the one sharing that. But all I can do at this point is tell my truth at this stage. And my truth is, although I am seriously thankful I have this chair. I’m doing my everything I possibly can to not need it every day. I’m not sharing this for sympathy! I’m sharing this so that maybe when you see someone in a wheelchair you don’t write them off completely. I was never brought up that way I have some lovely friends who are wheelchair users and fortunately the people in my life are shocked at the treatment. But we do have a big problem here in the UK for inclusivity and representation.
🌻 I will try my best to share #myarthritisjourney and so far I’ve come on such a long way!! And I hope this post is met with understanding and not being negative, but bravely my being honest.
I will be sharing posts like these and on #bodypositivity on my curve modelling page with hashtag #curvesandcrutches
I’d had fleeting thoughts about it last week but soon forgot about it. Last night I thought about how I would handle the criticism and negative comments about my writing, my art, my work. And this morning I wasn’t nervous, but I was a bit apprehensive. As I know my weakness; I don’t deal with criticism too well. Who does?!
Now I put myself out there and today I was in the dragon’s den.. the irony was – it went so well, I couldn’t have actually wished for it to go better. I’ve released so much unnecessary tension and negativity from my life that it seems to be impossible for it to come back.
🌿 The packaging on this is sexy. It really looks glam. I can see Marilyn Monroe using it and having it look pretty on the dresser too. The colour is BRIGHT RED. Again, not my personal best shade, but I went for it. It was nice but tricky to apply. There is quite a lot of product on the applicator so it may be better to use a lip liner to outline and/or then apply with a smaller lip brush. Or maybe I’m just crap at application! Haha!
